How not to fall into despair when you lose your job and learn a new specialty. Failures in life

Luc de Clapier Vauvenargues

Many of us in our lives have experienced a state of complete despair, in which a person can alternately experience feelings such as rage, anger, horror, fear, panic, uncertainty, insecurity and hopelessness. At the same time, some people in a state of despair are more prone to violent panic, others to depression and apathy. Despair is an affective state characterized by a negative emotional background. It occurs when a person feels that he is at an impasse and does not know what to do. He cannot solve some important problem, he is not able to satisfy his need, he is not able to realize his desire. And if a person refuses to continue the struggle, he falls into a desperate state. Quite often, despair leads people to depression, from which they cannot get out for a long time without outside help. In this article, we will talk with you about how to deal with despair and regain self-confidence.

In order to cope with such conditions as despair, and even better, to prevent them from occurring at all, a person needs to be aware of his capabilities. Usually I have seen such a sequence of emotional states in desperate people: panic, anger, anger, then again panic, fear, horror, and finally hopelessness, despondency and apathy. This shows how people first try to fight, and then just give up and fade away. Therefore, a person needs to know what feelings he experiences most often when he finds himself in an impasse and how they affect him. Everyone can get angry, everyone can panic - this is a normal reaction, it is difficult to avoid it. The only question is how to learn to control this reaction so as not to let it plunge you into an even less controlled emotional state. For example, in those situations when a person is overcome by anger, he needs to return himself to a calm state, catching himself thinking that anger controls him and he needs to get rid of it. That is, you need to stop identifying yourself with anger. And when a person experiences fear, he needs to start analyzing it. Fear needs to be studied - the more you learn about it, the faster it will begin to lose its power. When a person comes to a state of hopelessness, he should think about the opportunities that he has acquired due to the circumstances. In other words, it is possible to experience certain events in which people usually fall into despair in a different way - not in the way that our thoughts and feelings force us to do it. It is important not to let the primary reaction and primary emotions set off a chain of new emotions and negative thoughts, which will begin to grow like a snowball, plunging a person into an ever deeper state of despair. After all, the most important thing that a person needs in order not to fall into this painful state is to continue to fight, or, in cases where this is impossible, to accept new reality, come to terms with it and start looking for your joys and your happiness in it.

Let's now think about why it is so difficult for people to cope with despair, which forces them to succumb to emotions and, in fact, drive themselves into a dead end. The answer, in my opinion, is that they are simply not trained to behave correctly in certain situations. Hence the difficulty in controlling those emotional states that arise in these situations. We are used to living with hope and expectation for the best and do not like to consider negative options for the development of certain events, which means that we do not mentally prepare ourselves for them. You can understand people - negative scenarios frighten and take a lot of energy to think about. However, hiding from a possible problem means disarming yourself in front of it. This is not worth doing. Fear needs to be able to face it. Difficulties need to be able to look in the eye. Therefore, a person needs to accustom himself to see the bad, what a person usually fears and avoids even in his thoughts. This is not such a difficult job, you can do it yourself, or you can also with the help of a specialist who will gradually lead you to the acceptance of those thoughts that you usually avoid, immerse you in certain states and tell you how, being in one or another state, you should behave. In other words, friends, you need to be ready for something that can plunge you into despair in order to control yourself in this state and not fall into it at all. Psychological readiness everything that can happen in life is of great importance for self-control. And people usually avoid everything that scares them, even in their thoughts, and therefore cannot cope with themselves when something in their life goes wrong.

Try to work with your psyche, train it. If you are not in a state of despair, but admit the possibility that you may encounter it, then think about what can have a strong negative impact on your life, for which you are absolutely not ready now? Be sure to consider the option of a situation that, with all your desire, cannot be corrected and try to mentally come to terms with it. Relive in your imagination possible losses, blows of fate, difficulties, serious problems, and so on. Immerse yourself in absolute negativity. If you find it difficult to imagine situations in which you will feel very bad, then try to remember something bad that you have already experienced in the past or read about those difficult situations that other people found themselves in and put yourself in their place. The better you imagine such situations, the more realistic they will seem to you. Our brain does not distinguish reality from imagination, so you can properly train your psyche, preparing it for imaginary difficulties and blows of fate, so that later in reality, when faced with them, you do not fall into despair.

Also, friends, it is very important not to depend on anyone in this life, so that it does not happen that someone does not live up to your expectations. Unfortunately, this is the problem of many people - who fall into despair mainly because of other people. For example, someone's betrayal can become a real disaster for a person, and not knowing what to do, what to do, how to live on, he will fall into despair. The problem here is not so much in the betrayal itself, but in the shock that a betrayed person experiences. After all, when we get too close to people, when we begin to depend on them, primarily spiritually and psychologically, we begin to feel like a part of these people. We merge with them and cannot even imagine life without them. And when they betray us, something in us dies, something that connected us with these people, with a specific person. Our whole fairy-tale world is collapsing, and we find ourselves at the very bottom of a damp, dark and dirty well, where we fall into despair, break down and put an end to our lives. But it shouldn't be like that. Dependencies must be avoided. I advise you to consider all the people around you as potential traitors and think over the course of your actions in case these people betray you. Think about how you will live without them, how you will take care of yourself. I know that this is not easy and I understand how hard it is to even think about it, but it needs to be done. We must be able to do without other people. After all, people can not only betray us, they can still die, leaving us not of their own free will. And we must be ready for this. Everyone should be prepared to be alone.

When people turn to me with a request to help them become more psychologically resilient to various kinds of shocks, then we do exactly this with them - we strengthen their psyche by modeling various negative situations in which these people may find themselves and think over their action plan in these situations. In particular, I teach them to live without those people they cannot imagine life without. So you can save yourself from all those negative feelings that arise during times of despair. You just need to experience them in advance, having learned to live in different realities.

Another very important point that desperate people need to consider is their own imagination. It can play out in such a way that, on the whole, a harmless situation seems like a catastrophe and plunges a person into despair. Imagination often fails people. They can imagine such a thing for themselves that even the harshest reality will seem like paradise, compared to their terrible fantasies. People very quickly succumb to a negative mood and begin to wind themselves up. To prevent this from happening, you need to divert your imagination with other thoughts, you need to occupy it with something else that is not related to the problem that the person is facing. Do you know how often it is useful to occupy your imagination when it tries to make an elephant out of a molehill? - Other problems. This is very useful because it allows you to look at your situation with different eyes. This is a kind of comparison of their problems with others, more difficult, which cause people much more suffering. You feel bad, and other people can feel even worse. It's hard for you, it's even harder for others. You have problems, but people can have dozens of times more of them, and they somehow live with them and even solve them. Think about it - look at life more broadly. The point here is not that other people's problems, other people's difficulties, other people's pain and suffering can bring you joy, although this warms the soul for someone, the contrast between your life and the lives of other people is important here - those people who are even more difficult than you . Your problems, your losses, your difficulties, your pain - should fade against the backdrop of even greater problems, difficulties, losses and pain. This is the meaning of switching attention to other people's problems and other people's difficulties. Let your imagination, succumbing to negative emotions, paint other people's lives in dark colors so that you can more easily perceive your own situation.

Well, the last thing that helps me personally to cope well with states close to despair is the understanding that everything that happens in our life leads us to the best in one way or another. For some, this is faith in the best, but for me it is an understanding of the laws of life. I know that for many people this position is not easy to accept. Some things that happen to us in this life, well, do not indicate that because of them our life will change for the better. But believe me, everything has its own meaning, there is a purpose. Life directs people in a certain direction, so you need to be attentive to all its signs, signals, lessons. A lot of good is often hidden in the bad, but this good is not always visible. But some people notice, so they never lose heart, don't give up, don't despair. It is no coincidence that different people in the same situations behave differently. What one person sees as a problem, another sees as an opportunity. Where one person suffers, another enjoys life. Those situations in which one person gives up, the other continues to fight and wins. Life is wise - it will never give a person a nut that is too tough for him. Therefore, everything that happens to you is the trials that life has prepared for you and that you can overcome. There is no need to be afraid of what does not fit into your life scenario, you should not despair because of this. Let be Life is going in your turn, do not oppose her will. Better look hard for the meaning in the scenario that she offers you. And you will definitely find it. And having found this meaning, you will be delighted with everything that happens to you.

Many people often fall into despair because of a lack of understanding of the situation in which they find themselves, and which caused them this negative experience. They do not understand that life does not always have to develop according to their scenario and it cannot be completely controlled, because we do not know much about it. Therefore, you need to be able to put up with some things without being able to change them. Struggle is a struggle, but sometimes humility is necessary. Let life flow the way it needs to. Do not seek to change everything that you do not like, do not wish for everything that you do not have - save your nerves. After all, none of us knows how everything should really be arranged in this world and in our own life. Our thoughts always run ahead of reality - we want to see the next moment as we imagine it should be and are not ready for surprises. And for some reason, we believe that our expectations are often better than the reality that we do not want to accept. Perhaps the whole point is that we are not accustomed to living in a world of uncertainty and thinking more situationally, not being afraid of the unexpected. Therefore, when our plans are disrupted, when life does not turn out according to our scenario, we can fall into despair, instead of simply coming to terms with reality.

And yet we, humans, are prone to total negative generalization, which also strengthens and develops the state of despair. Many desperate people I have worked with quite often devalued their whole life, considering it to be unfortunate because of those problems, those failures, those difficulties, those losses, the pain that they faced in the present. But as it turned out later, in reality their life was different, much more interesting, bright, colorful and often quite happy. It's just that people in a state of despair begin to look at everything, including their past and even the future, through the prism of negativity. Their whole life becomes gloomy and meaningless. But in this prism there are always small bright spots through which you can get out, from the captivity of your own thoughts and experiences, in order to enjoy your life and regain your spiritual comfort.

So, friends, no matter what happens in your life, because of which you can fall into despair - look for positive moments in this. They are always there, trust me. And if you don't see them, then invent them - find a positive explanation for everything that happens to you. I am not asking you to be a blind optimist, I am simply suggesting that you take a broader view of life so that you maintain your composure in any situation. And try not to fall into the generalization trap. Separate the wheat from the chaff by analyzing your whole life. Then you will see that you have something to be proud of and something to rejoice at.

Every person goes through trials throughout life. Everyone knows what failure is in life. In this regard, people differ only in how they endure difficulties. Do they give up, despair, fall down, or do they think how not to give up, overcome problems and go forward with their heads held high!

If you don't want to be a loser, then these seven rules are for you.

Whining and complaining - the road to nowhere

Whatever happens in your life, never complain, either to others or to yourself. This will not change the situation, but will make it even more sad. You will simply dissolve in your grief, and the further you go, the more you will drown in this swamp.

No matter how trite it may sound, . The one who complains the most ends up achieving the least. There is no need to be afraid of failures, because they, like successes, are an integral part of our life.

Some people, in case of failures in life, stop their path, having been defeated, and no longer achieve anything because of fears, while others, at least 10 times, fall, but get up and definitely get what they want.

Have you read biographies famous people? Everything was not always smooth for them, there were ups and downs, obstacles and successes. If after the first failure they fell into a deep depression, then they would hardly become those whom we see on screens, in magazines, newspapers. If you do not complain and do not give up because of failures, then you can achieve a lot.

No matter what outcome you end up with, ultimately you need to be happy no matter what. Happiness is a constant. If from such elementary things as the beauty of sunset, dawn, the smell of dew in the morning, the smile on the face of the person you reassured, then you live for real!

Every little battle is a step forward

It is important to understand that the struggle is not obstacles on the way, this is the way. If your every day is not filled with battle, then you will stand still.

Remember, a person cannot stand in one place for a long time, he either develops and moves forward, or begins to fall down. You choose which of these two ways will be useful and necessary for you. Even if you fail, it is also a rewarding experience.

Very often, in order to achieve what you want, you need to get out of your comfort zone, sacrifice something, because nothing comes easy. To do this, you need to have patience - to keep a good attitude, working hard to achieve the goal.

All obstacles are a test of endurance, and if you want to succeed, then, step by step, stumbling, you will come to your goal.

Pain is part of growth

Sometimes life closes doors on you, but that's only because it's time to move. This is not bad, because often for the movement we need circumstances that force it to start. A rolling stone gathers no moss. This wise saying should motivate you like nothing else.

Pain can hurt, but pain can change you, change you for the better. It is never without a goal, it brings a lesson, thanks to which the further movement in life will be competent and bring a lot of joy.

You need to be patient, because you want to be satisfied with your life. Without effort, it is almost impossible to cope with failures in life. Do not give up because of failures, always remain patient and confident in your abilities, and everything will work out.

Negativity from other people is not a reason to give up

Many people, for various reasons (envy, their own failures in this field, misunderstanding, other outlooks on life) may speak badly about you, about your undertakings, but never let other people's conversations and views ruin, change you and your goals.

If you want to succeed, confident in the rightness of your actions, then no matter what others say, do not be afraid to fight for what you believe in and what changes your life for the better.

You should not care about the opinions of others, people will always say no matter what you do, what you achieve, how you live. If I talk bad about you, continue to be yourself, and the attempts of others to change your views, your way. Remember the first rule? Never complain to yourself or others.

Don't change to please people or impress someone who thinks you're not good enough. You can’t please everyone, and you don’t need to please anyone in terms of your chosen lifestyle, interests, appearance, and much more. Change if it makes you better, kinder, stronger, the rest is false.

Scars are a symbol of struggle, and, consequently, success

The presence of scars seems to tell you: “I fought, I experienced pain, I survived. I have become stronger, which means I have the strength to go on!”

Don't be ashamed of the scars of your life, they're just more proof that pain can change you for the better. Without them, you would stand still, and you would not achieve anything in life, you would not become stronger.

Everything is temporary

The night does not last forever, after it comes the morning, and after the rain the sun peeks out, making it clear that everything is temporary. In this regard, all people are equal, everyone in life alternates black and white stripes.

So while everything in your life is good, sincerely enjoy it, and when hard times come, do not worry, because this is also temporary, this is the cycle of life. If you know how to be happy, always smile, despite the worries and storms.

Go forward

What should happen to you will happen one way or another. You just need to say to yourself: "!"

Do not be afraid to make mistakes, take risks, seek your happiness. Life often brings surprises, and it depends only on us how we perceive them and how we use the knowledge that we already have. Don't be afraid of failure.

Appreciate your life, enjoy every moment of it. Throw away doubts, questions, complaints, fear of failure in life. Do your best, and life itself will tell you how not to give up, and will lead you to where you should be at the moment.

(according to St. Silouan of Athos and Archimandrite Sofroniy)

First, let us quote from the well-known book by Archimandrite Sophrony (Sakharov) “On Prayer”: “From my experience I can say: there are two kinds of despair: one is purely negative, destroying a person spiritually and then bodily. The other is blessed. I can't stop talking about him."

Elsewhere, in the book Elder Silouan, Fr. Sophrony adds: “The devil-enemy acts differently with those who accept it, and differently with regard to those who fight. Another is the suffering of proud despair, and another is the pious soul, when God allows Satan to wrestle with the soul. This last temptation is extremely difficult and is rarely allowed. Not much has been written about this last state; I would like to draw attention to the connection of such a state with the sufferings of the biblical Job.

Many years of experience of asceticism, the spiritual authority of Father Sophrony, whom many revere as an elder, and the depth of his creations do not allow one to simply brush aside these words about blessed despair, which are not easy to understand, but require serious thought.

Deadly despair

When people talk about despair in Orthodoxy, they most often mean the first of the types of despair indicated by Father Sophronius - “purely negative and ruining a person” despair as one of the most serious sins (according to V. I. Dahl’s Dictionary of the Living Great Russian Language, despair - it is hopelessness, deprivation of the last faith and hope.

Let us first consider in more detail precisely this kind of despair that destroys a person. As Bishop Varnava (Belyaev) notes, for people leading a spiritual life, this destructive despair is also of two kinds: a large number of these ulcers, sinks from their severity into the depths of hopeless grief and hopelessness.

Another kind of despair comes from pride, when a person who has fallen into some kind of sin does not want to humble himself and admit that he deserved the fall. From the first type, abstinence and warm hope in God heal, and from the last, humility and the fact that no one condemn."

And here is how Father Sophronius describes this state: “As long as pride is strong in a person, until then he can be subjected to bouts of especially painful, hellish despair, which perverts all ideas about God and about the ways of His providence. A proud soul, living in painful suffering and the darkness of hell, considers God to be the culprit of its torment and thinks of Him as immeasurably cruel. Deprived of true being in God, she evaluates everything from her painfully-suffering state and begins to hate her own life, and in general the whole existence of the world.

Staying outside the Divine light, in her despair she comes to the point that the existence of God Himself begins to appear to her as a hopeless nonsense, due to which her repulsion from God and hatred of all being become greater and greater.

The main reasons for such despair are offended pride, fear of public disgrace if they find out about a crime committed, fear of punishment, the collapse of ideals or conceived enterprises, hopeless love, and so on. In the most severe cases, despair can drive a person to suicide.

It should also be noted that many Holy Fathers spoke about the need to struggle with passions (spiritual warfare) and that passions can be sent to us for spiritual perfection. Our struggle with passions is more pleasing to the Lord than the complete absence of passions, dispassion. We know, for example, the testimony of the Monk John Kolov, who at first begged God to be granted dispassion, and then, on the advice of the elder, asked the Lord for the return of battles and patience, for, as the elder said, “because of the battles, the soul comes to prosperity ".

The Monk Silouan gives a very instructive commentary on this important episode for Orthodox spiritual practice, which is reflected in Holy Tradition. The Monk John of the Ladder also points out: “Let the passionate humble ones take comfort. For if they fell into all the pits, and got bogged down in all the networks, and became ill with every ailment, but after recovery they are luminaries and doctors, guides and mentors for everyone, declaring the types and properties of each ailment and saving those close to the fall with their experience.

It is impossible not to mention here also an instructive case, which is testified by the “Trinity Leaflets from the Spiritual Meadow”. We are talking about the appearance of St. Sergius of Radonezh to a man who was in despair and was about to commit suicide. This man was so shocked by the vision that he threw away the belt on which he had just wanted to hang himself, and went to the Trinity-Sergius Lavra, where he received consolation from Father Anfim. By praying at the shrine of St. Sergius, he was finally comforted and left the monastery like a newborn baby. He looked at the world with different eyes, and his soul completely calmed down.

The experience of fatal despair is dangerous, but not yet fatal. A person who has fallen into destructive despair can still (and should) turn to God with a fervent prayer of repentance, and the Lord will certainly give him healing and new strength to continue spiritual warfare. Here is how St. Isaac the Syrian writes about this: “If a person happens to fall into many different sins, let him not stop caring for good, let him not stop in his course. But even the one who is defeated, let him rise again to fight with his opponents and daily begin to lay the foundation for the destroyed building, until his very departure from this world.

In conclusion of this part of the article, it should be noted that, according to the teachings of the Orthodox ascetic fathers, the state of despair is most closely associated with sadness and despondency.

Despair “according to God”

There is also a state of mind, outwardly, in terms of its psychological characteristics, similar to the one described above, but fundamentally different. Here is how Father Sophrony describes it: “When for the first time a person left by God providentially experiences the approach of Satan, then his whole being, both soul and body, is suppressed by great suffering and fear, which cannot be compared with the fear of criminals and murderers, because there is darkness in him. eternal death.

The soul then knows what the devil is; knows the power of his cruelty; and struck by the colossality of the evil standing before her - everything shrinks. From horror, despair and trembling, she becomes so exhausted that she does not find the strength to pray. She does not feel God the Protector with her, and the enemy says: “You are in my power ... But do not rely on God and forget Him; He is relentless." At these moments, the soul, not wanting to accept the devil, either silently, without words, freezes with the thought of God, or, in best case, finds the strength to call on the name of God. Later, she will already know that it is in this struggle that God exclusively listens to her.

As many Fathers of the Church noted (in particular, St. John Cassian, Nil of Sinai, Isaac the Syrian, St. Basil the Great, Gregory the Theologian, Gregory of Nyssa, and others), sinful passions pervert the saving “moods of man, the psychological basis of which is imprinted in human nature as undoubtedly useful tool, a condition conducive to the implementation by a person of his religious and moral purpose.

These moods, as S. M. Zarin rightly emphasizes, arise in connection with the knowledge of the true good, on the one hand, and because of the awareness of the depravity of our life, on the other. They are supported by the contemplation of the bliss of Eternal Life and the striving for perfection. Contemplating the infinite ideal, a person not only feels more deeply and more clearly realizes the imperfection of human nature in general, but at the same time - and this is fundamentally important - begins to feel the imperfection of his own personality. In this case, this feeling becomes an active stimulus for the religious and moral development of a person.

The state described above in Orthodox asceticism is called sadness “according to God” (according to God, for the sake of God).

According to St. Isaac the Syrian, sadness only in one case becomes useful for us, when it is sadness "according to God." Sorrow “according to God” “arises from repentance for sins, or from the desire for perfection, or from the contemplation of future bliss. A heart filled with sadness about weakness and impotence in bodily, obvious deeds, replaces all these bodily deeds with itself.

Sorrow "according to God" is one of the essential and initial moments of the Christian faith, necessary for salvation. Its difference lies in the fact that it finds its religious and moral foundation, support and main goal in God. A person experiences acute dissatisfaction with his condition (and at the same time feels the impossibility of changing this situation on his own) precisely insofar as this condition becomes a significant obstacle to achieving the only valuable goal for him - striving for God.

Thus, sadness in this “good” direction helps to keep a person active, encourages him to an ascetic feat. This feat of all-round improvement is expressed both in the purification of a person from passions and in the acquisition by him of the most important Christian virtues. Saint Isaac the Syrian called such “sorrow of the mind” a precious gift from God.

The state of sadness “according to God” differs from the destructive passion we described above in that a person with pain feels in himself a discrepancy between the aspiration of the soul to God and the desire to achieve this with one’s own strength. God becomes the main goal of his life activity, and not the satisfaction of his own thoughts, desires and passions and not caring about his earthly existence. Being in a state of “ordinary” sadness, a person closes in on himself, but sadness “according to God” most often leads to the acquisition of Divine grace (for it is said: Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you (Matt. 7:7), and the destructive passions of sadness and despair without repentance can cause hopeless longing, apathy and inactivity, paralysis of the will and abilities.

That spiritual state, about which Archimandrite Sophrony writes, and which is psychologically close to the state of despair, has, however, its own essential features. Such despair is based not on fear of revealing secret sins and not on pride, but on unquenchable zeal for God. This is a more intense and acute manifestation of sadness “for God”. For convenience of presentation, we will further call this state of despair "according to God."

St. Theophan the Recluse, speaking of the sacrament of repentance, testifies to the similar spiritual state of a person, speaking of the sacrament of repentance: Man offended God; now it is necessary to burn in the fire of the judgment of the unwashed. The penitent experiences the illnesses of those who give birth, and in the feelings of the heart in some way touches the torments of hell. In the penitent, now the horrors of almost despair, now the breath of the joy of mercy are replaced by one another.

Father Sophronius uses the terrible word “despair” to describe the ultimate suffering that a soul feels when it has felt the grace of God and then lost it, in order to emphasize the strength that this sadness “according to God” can achieve.

St. Silouan of Athos writes on this occasion about the “despondency of the heart”: “When the Lord visits, the soul knows that there was a dear Guest and left, and the soul misses Him, and tearfully seeks Him: “Where are You, my Light, where are You, My joy? Your footsteps are fragrant in my soul, but You are not there, and my soul misses You, and my heart is sad and aching, and nothing else makes me glad, because I offended the Lord, and He hid from me. St. Silouan notes that we lose the feeling of the love and grace of the Lord “for pride and vanity, for hostility towards a brother, for condemning a brother, for envy, for a lustful thought, for addiction to earthly things”, etc.

As already noted, such a temptation is not often allowed by God. Not all Orthodox believers have the opportunity to experience such intense suffering, such zealous sorrow "for God." This is confirmed by other spiritual writers. Thus, St. Theophan the Recluse notes that the search for God occurs in different people in different ways: if for some it “is accomplished zealously, quickly, fieryly”, then for others, on the contrary, “things go coldly, slowly, with great difficulty.” Archimandrite Sofroniy obviously belongs to the first group.

Saint Theophan notes with regret that this first group is very small and rare, and such extreme zeal for God, which was later described in the works of Father Sophrony, is not often found among Christians. More often, a person, having ceased to feel the excitement of the grace of God, on the contrary, gets used to it, and again he falls into his usual mortal sins. “The more often these falling away occur,” writes St. Theophan, “the weaker the excitement becomes, because the heart, as it were, gets used to it, and it passes into a series of ordinary phenomena of spiritual life.

Together with such a diminution, it approaches more and more from an energetic feeling to thought, and, finally, passes into one simple thought and recollection. For the time being, this thought is accepted with consent, then it is only tolerated, even without displeasure, but coldly, without special attention; and then it already becomes annoying, they rush to sell it as soon as possible, and, finally, they feel unpleasantness and disgust from it; he is no longer loved, but hated, persecuted, persecuted. Accordingly, the conviction of the need for a better spiritual life falls…”

Proceeding from this, St. Theophan strongly recommends that all believers make efforts to acquire the gift of God’s grace and use for this the slightest thought about the need to “change their lives and become better in their deeds and internal dispositions.”

It is possible that such a state of “last despair for God” is given to some ascetics for a greater acquisition of the grace of God. In any case, we have no right to deny what we have not known.

It must be emphasized that Father Sofroniy does not call on anyone to experience a state of despair "according to God." He only shares his experience, which he managed to survive with God's help. At the same time, although such zeal for God, which is reflected in the works of Father Sophronius, is not typical for modern world, she inspired many Orthodox Christians to continue their spiritual development and thus brought numerous fruits.

Inability to overcome spiritual obstacles on one's own

The despair about which Fr. “Many times,” Father Sophrony notes, “I fell into despair from myself because of my inability to stay constantly in the spirit of Christ’s commandments.”

“Seeing ourselves unable to overcome this death by our efforts, we fall into a kind of despair about our salvation. Strange as it may seem, but we need to experience this painful state - to experience it hundreds of times so that it deeply cuts into our consciousness. We benefit from this experience of hell. When we carry this torment in ourselves for years, decades, then it becomes a constant content of our spirit, an indelible ulcer on the body of our life. And Christ preserved the wounds from the nails of crucifixion on His body even after the Resurrection…”

The despair that Fr. Sophrony speaks of here is not despair in the hope for the mercy and grace of God, which is characteristic of destructive passions, but despair in a zealous, irresistible striving to achieve the ideal with one's own strength. Father Sophrony calls this state of despair “from oneself.”

Each of us is familiar with the suffering that arises from the inability to solve the unsolvable, to achieve the unattainable, to do the impossible. In itself, this desire does not carry moral certainty. The moral evaluation of this striving depends only on the direction of our will.

Having come to this situation, for some time we continue to make attempts to realize our aspirations on our own, but soon we lose them and realize the impossibility of achieving the planned result. This feeling, which is usually also called despair, was evidently experienced by Father Sophronius.

As S. M. Zarin notes, “according to the laws of mental life, a reaction in the form of a weakening, a decline in spiritual energy should follow stormy impulses. And this decline, indeed, comes, expressed in new affective states of sadness and despondency” (and the latter, as we have already noted, is akin to despair).

The Lord gave man free will, and He expects from us our own efforts in spiritual perfection. Such human efforts are, in particular, one of the most important conditions for spiritual warfare. Therefore, there is nothing sinful in these efforts themselves. But these own human efforts have their limits. What is impossible with men is possible with God (Luke 18:27). A person in the process of his spiritual growth sooner or later begins to feel it. And the Holy Fathers felt this especially strongly and keenly. There is a serious internal contradiction that needs to be resolved.

Resolution of the contradiction of despair from oneself “according to God”

“Blessed despair,” about which Father Sophrony writes, despair from oneself “according to God,” finds its resolution in the acquisition of God's grace. Passing through severe spiritual suffering, through exhaustion, a person becomes spiritually purer, “transparent” to God.

The resolution of “gracious despair”, spiritual cleansing is a gift from God. It is the Lord who sends His light, His deliverance, which the soul of the ascetic yearns so earnestly, feeling the impossibility of acquiring grace by his own strength and deeds: “It is far from joyful to see oneself as a “poor”, to realize one’s blindness, Fr. Sophronius testifies. - It is terrible to hear the death sentence to myself for the fact that I am such - as I am. However, in the eyes of my Creator, I am blessed precisely for the knowledge of my nothingness (cf. Mt 5:3).

I have to see Christ “as He is” in order to compare myself with Him, and from this comparison to feel my “ugliness”. Strong was and still is my disgust with myself. But from this horror a prayer of special desperation was born in me, plunging me into a sea of tears. I did not see then the ways to my healing; it seemed to me that my ugliness could not be changed into a likeness to His beauty. And this crazy prayer, which shook my whole being, attracted the compassion of the Most High God to me, and His Light shone in the darkness of my being. Through the hell of my hopelessness came heavenly deliverance…”

Many Holy Fathers and ascetics spoke about God's help, which comes in the most difficult and responsible moments of life, associated, in particular, with the rejection of relying only on one's own strength and with hope in God. So, St. Ignatius (Bryanchaninov) emphasizes: “Vetinary and barren is your cross, if, through following Christ, it is not transformed into the cross of Christ.” “The cross is still painful as long as it remains its own. When he is transformed into the cross of Christ, he receives extraordinary lightness.

Having received God's help and feeling His grace, the ascetic does not stop there. Having received a respite in spiritual warfare and the spiritual experience of condemning himself, he, as Father Sophrony writes, “again goes to stand over the abyss.”

"Keep your mind in hell and don't despair"

The Monk Silouan of Athos received a revelation from the Lord: “Keep your mind in hell and do not despair.” For an ordinary person, including a believer, keeping the mind in hell is unbearable. However, by constantly praying for the whole world, the ascetic gradually acquires the ability to sink into hell without falling into a state of despair. There is no need to despair, St. Silouan testifies to this, “for the Lord is immeasurably merciful and loves us.”

As Fr. Sofrony notes, only a few can keep their minds in hell and not despair. “From constant stay in this feat,” he writes, “the soul acquires a special habit and endurance, so that the memory of hell is so assimilated by the soul that it becomes almost non-waste. The need for such constancy is caused by the fact that a person “living in the world and bearing flesh” is constantly exposed to the influences of the sin surrounding him, from which, like armor, the soul is protected by humbleness even to the hell of the underworld.

The ascetic, by a special inner movement, descends with his soul into hell, and the hellish fire scorches and burns out the passions in him.

Explaining the revelation of the Monk Siluan “Keep your mind in hell and do not despair,” Archimandrite Sophrony (Sakharov) writes: “Keeping yourself in hell was nothing new for him. Before the appearance of the Lord, he [Elder Silouan] dwelt in him. New in God's instruction - "and do not despair." Formerly he had reached despair; now again, after many years of hard struggle, frequent divine forsakings, he experienced hours, if not despair, then still close to him suffering. The memory of the Lord he saw did not allow him to the last despair, but the suffering from the loss of grace was no less severe. Or rather, what he experienced was also despair, but of a different kind than the first. For so many years, in spite of all the labors, the maximum available to his powers, he did not achieve what he wanted and therefore lost hope of ever achieving it.

“The blessed elder Silouan said that many ascetics, approaching the state necessary for purification from passions, despair and therefore cannot go further. But the one who knows that “the Lord loves us a lot”, avoids the destructive effect of the last despair and knows how to wisely stand on the edge of it, so that by the power of the hellish flame he burns every passion in himself, and at the same time does not become a victim of despair. The Monk Silouan himself, as Archimandrite Sophronius testifies to this, sometimes, at the beginning of his spiritual asceticism, also fell into despair, but, by the grace of God, he got out of it "with benefit."

According to Father Sofroniy, Elder Silouan plunged into hell, but, “returning to the memory of God’s love, he avoided despair.” At the same time, “the ultimate human suffering endured by nature is combined with the ultimate bliss endured by human nature” .

Archimandrite Sophronius writes that many ascetics “passed through the pain of spiritual hesitation, through the torment of conscience from the consciousness of their depravity and unrighteousness before God, through destructive doubts and a suffering struggle with passions. They knew the state of hellish torment, the heavy darkness of despair, an indescribable anguish and sorrow of God-forsakenness. And in this struggle, they gave rise to an invaluable experience of spiritual warfare and humility. According to the testimony of St. Silouan of Athos, “The Lord taught me to keep my mind in hell and not despair, and so my soul humbles itself.”

In conclusion, I would like to quote once again the words of Archimandrite Sophrony, which can sum up all of the above: “The Lord gave me the grace of despair; and even more than this: holy hatred for my sin, that is, for me, for myself, fused with sin, the stench of which is like a poisonous gas. Healing by your own efforts is impossible. In complete despair of myself as I am, the only thing left is to rush to God with hopeless hope.”

When your boss, co-workers, friends, significant other, or you yourself demand too much from yourself, there is a risk of overworking and deciding that you are just a loser and no matter what you do, all efforts will be in vain. At such moments, it is important to find the right words and convince yourself to overcome the crisis. If during the course of hard work on something you have a desire to give up everything and never return to it, remember these simple truths.

1. This too shall pass

It sounds like a cliché, but it's true - no matter how bad you feel and how hopeless the current situation seems to you, this is just one of the fleeting moments of your life. Today it seems to you that everything is over, but believe - tomorrow the sun will rise again and a new day will be illuminated with the light of hope for a way out of a difficult situation.

2. No one can handle the situation better than you.

Because there is no other person like you. You are endowed with unique properties, comparing yourself with other people is stupid and, frankly, simply impossible. People did not live the same life as yours, which means that there is no one who could solve your problems better than you. Remind yourself of this every time you have the feeling that if someone else were in your place, he would show himself more worthily.

3. This test will make you stronger

Solving a problem can be pretty exhausting and make you feel overwhelmed, but do not forget that once you have coped with the situation, you will become even stronger and more experienced. When a person is injured, a new tissue gradually grows on the damaged area of the skin, more dense and durable. Approximately the same thing happens with your soul - it knows how to restore strength, giving you greater resistance to all sorts of troubles.

4. Appreciate your mistakes - they teach you lessons

As Oprah Winfrey once said, “Think like a queen. The Queen is not afraid of failure. Failure is just another step on the road to greatness." When bad things happen (whether through our fault or independently of us), it can be difficult to see the situation in its entirety. Every negative experience contains a lesson that you should learn in order not to repeat your mistakes. Have courage and trust that this experience will make you better equipped to overcome the obstacles that life has in store for you.

5. All you have to do is try your hand

The distance between what you have already achieved and what you are striving for is just an attempt. Regardless of your fears, you need to take this step. Trying is the most important part of any endeavor and that's all you have to do.

6. Progress is more important than unattainable perfection

Sometimes a person is so immersed in the image of perfection imposed on him in something that he forgets the main thing: no one can be perfect. Trying to come to perfection, he inevitably fails and begins to consider himself an absolutely worthless loser. Do not dwell on the ideal, the most best target, to which you can strive - progress and development. Rejoice in every step you take forward.

7. You are not alone

Stressful situations make you shut yourself off from the world, limit your communication, but remember that there are people in the world who will always support you and help you believe in yourself. Even if, in despair, you stop appreciating yourself, your loved ones will never be disappointed in you. It seems to you that by telling your relatives and friends about your problems, you burden them with unnecessary information, but know that this is not so. No matter what you think of yourself, those close to you love and appreciate you for who you are, and will not stand aside when you need to cope with troubles.

8. Everyone has problems

Of course, each of your situations is unique and deeply individual character, however, many people are forced to solve more complex problems than yours. Even if thinking about it doesn't help you become happier, at least you will understand that you are not alone in your difficult situation. There is always someone who can understand and console you, the main thing is to find such a person.

9. You have a lot to be thankful for.

Do you feel like the world around you is collapsing? Try to calm down and remember the things for which you are grateful to fate and the people around you. This exercise will allow you to look at the situation differently and make it clear that in reality everything is not as bad as you think in moments of despair. Try to be an optimist and you will be surprised by the result!

10. You are worthy of love

In moments of self-digging and self-deprecation, you can think of yourself as badly as you like, but it is absolutely certain that you have a lot of positive qualities. When things get tough for you, make a list of the things you're grateful for (see previous point)… To yourself. Name at least three qualities that you love and respect about yourself. If nothing comes to mind at all, say “thank you” to your lungs, for letting you breathe, for your mouth, for being able to smile at them, for your soul, for making you ... you. You are amazing, trust me!

11. Your mind is too cruel, do not take his arguments to heart

Often your most merciless critic is yourself. It can be difficult for someone who is accustomed to treat other people's mistakes with understanding. You tend to judge yourself too harshly without even realizing it, because society imposes certain ideas about how you should behave. When you don't live up to these expectations, it's easy to lose respect for yourself. Keep this in mind and try not to get carried away by self-discipline.

12. You have a choice

You can go either way - let the nagging voice of your inner critic constantly ring out, or silence it and convince yourself that you are doing everything right, abandoning negative thoughts in favor of a positive attitude towards yourself. All that is required of you is the willingness to put on rose-colored glasses for a while and, of course, action. Having managed to overcome the pessimistic attitude and set about implementing your plans, you will definitely come to success.

13. Your main task is to please yourself.

By wasting your life on achieving the goals that others set for you and trying to live up to their ideals, you lose sight of the most important thing: your dreams and the desire to achieve them. People come and go, but your unfulfilled plans will stay with you for the rest of your life. Think about it - how do you feel worrying about other people's expectations? Once you put these worries about other people's well-being out of your mind, you will surely feel much better.

14. You have already achieved a lot.

If you are completely exhausted and think that there is no more strength to move forward, look back - see what a long way you managed to overcome? Think about your life - you have overcome all the difficulties and achieved a lot. Is it possible that one trouble, albeit a very annoying one, will make you deviate from your intended goals, crossing out everything that has been done? No matter how difficult the current situation seems to you, you are able to change it.

15. You are still fully armed

When any events unsettle you, you understand this, which means you imagine what needs to be done to fix everything. An adequate perception of the current situation is a sign that you do not give up and are ready to continue moving towards success. A clear understanding of the difficulties you will face will give you the strength to overcome them.

16. There are no hopeless situations

Regardless of the complexity of the problem, there is always a way to deal with it in order to continue moving towards the goal. You may not see the solution right now, but it will definitely appear, whether you find it yourself or your friends help. When the insight comes, you will understand that the solution has been lying on the surface all the time and you will even wonder why it did not immediately occur to you. Each of us is strong in hindsight, right? Don't lose hope, keep looking, the exit is closer than you think.

17. You don't have to rush anywhere.

Everyone around is constantly in a hurry somewhere, but you absolutely do not have to participate in this crazy race. It takes time to solve time-consuming tasks and move towards global goals. Forcing yourself to work in emergency mode, you are likely to overwork and achieve only one thing - a nervous breakdown. Work more measuredly, enjoy the process and you will succeed.

18. Giving yourself a break is okay.

Sometimes you just need to let go of the situation and allow yourself to be an ordinary person, and not a superhero who has to control everything. If you take a break from your work for a while, the planet will not fall apart. Take a break - you've worked hard and deserve a break.

No matter how thick the clouds above your head seem, know that the sun is behind them, which means that bright, bright days will come. Believe in yourself, no matter what, go ahead and your dreams will come true.

Beauty and HealthLove and Relationships

Despite the fact that loneliness is a chance to fulfill your cherished desires, to achieve perfection in what you have always liked, most women are still afraid to be alone. They sincerely do not understand what is the reason for this state of affairs. Why is someone married for a long time, and they are beautiful, smart and interesting, and cannot meet their love.

Understanding how not to be alone

Look at yourself from the side. What you see is most likely a concentrated expression on the face of a woman completely immersed in her thoughts, whose seriousness immediately gives other people the impression that it is better not to approach her. Either she is already busy and so preoccupied with solving complex family issues that she no longer needs anyone, or she will reject any attempts at courtship.

It may seem to you that you are not at all like that, but to be honest, our idea of ourselves is often different from what others think of us. But don't get upset or again look for ways to get better. You are already perfection. So it's time to relax a little. Because men do not really like it when a girl is next to them, which makes them feel uncomfortable.

And do not immediately turn into a smiling lady who is ready to kiss the whole world. Our reluctance to constantly smile or look too intently at others is completely normal. There is nothing surprising. This is not always appropriate and we were taught that way. Parents, and whose grandmother grew up at a time when it was considered indecent to give excessive signs of attention to the stronger sex, and even more so to be the first to approach.

In principle, this is still relevant, since the stronger sex itself wants to remain so, and not turn from a hunter into prey. And for many women it is generally taboo that they themselves express sympathy for a man. The only thing that will help in this situation to loosen up a little and not go against your view of the world is the art of flirting. It is he who will express your attitude in such a way that the man will not be involuntarily humiliated and will correctly perceive the situation, and will not treat him like a girl for one night, and the fair sex herself will not give up her principles.

No matter what anyone says, it’s not easy to turn from a lady into a girl who doesn’t cost anything to come up first. Still, our beliefs are the core that allows the person himself to understand who he is and what is acceptable to him and what causes discomfort. So learn to express interest with your eyes. And for this you don’t need to “shoot with your eyes”, it’s enough to evoke a smile in your soul and sincere interest in a person and your eyes themselves will say everything for you. And a slight half-smile will not humiliate you in any way, but it will set the right tone for the conversation if he decides to approach.

Another reason for the withdrawal and seriousness of the face is the subconscious desire to protect ourselves from the pain that rejection or neglect can cause if the one we like does not reciprocate.

It does not matter what caused the wary attitude towards others: negative experiences, low self-esteem, lack of love from parents; often this really protects against problems and negativity from people. And you need to fight not with experience or demand from parents to change their attitude, but only with low self-esteem.

Love and respect for yourself, awareness of your value and the right to be happy is the most important criterion for a woman to find her love. Anyone who has not learned to love himself is doomed to loneliness, even if he has someone. Having a loved one when you do not love yourself is a rather rare occurrence, but even if you are lucky, only the person himself still does not feel happy. He does not believe his happiness, does not believe that he is really loved, because he does not know why he can be loved.

Therefore, it is better to reduce your wary attitude towards people a little, and figure out whether you love yourself. Why are you so worried that you can be lonely. You do not believe in yourself or are simply afraid to be alone with yourself.

Also, do not waste time and energy on someone who never called back or appears on the horizon once every five years. When a representative of the stronger sex is truly attracted, he will find an opportunity to be with you. Everything else is just excuses, no matter how plausible his busy schedule may sound. So remove from your life those who only take time without offering anything in return. And you will immediately increase the chances of not being left alone.

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Top 7 how not to be alone

Determine the qualities that must be in your partner, and which you will not tolerate under any circumstances. This will allow you to clearly separate potential gentlemen, into those who are worthy of your time, and those who are better to get rid of immediately. At the same time, stop dreaming about a fairytale prince on a white horse. We are all human and perfect in our own way. Therefore, it so rarely happens that we completely arrange each other. And you need to come to terms with this if you do not want to be left alone.

You have the right to refuse to communicate with those whose shortcomings are very serious for you and will really poison your life, but it is rather dangerous to expect that all your requirements will be satisfied. You can never wait for your "ideal". We are all not without flaws.

But excessive haste to quickly find a permanent partner also does not lead to anything good. You should never rush at all, and even more so when looking for a groom. This will only lead to a lot of mistakes that can become fatal and bring only grief. Do not follow the fashion and requirements of others. Don't try to be like everyone else. To each his own. And what seems to be happiness, in fact, may not please those who possess it at all, according to others. It is rare that someone talks about problems in his personal life, so that no one criticizes or gloats. So do not grab the first available option, and even more so do not put pressure on the one who is nearby. Otherwise, instead of a happy family life, you will be left alone or completely ruin everything.

Loneliness should not be afraid - it's just temporary state. It must be used to your advantage. And there is no need to get rid of it, with the help of a huge number of important and not very things. Study of foreign language, sport, achieving a cherished dream is wonderful. But leave time for yourself, your experiences and attempts to understand what you really want to get from life.

If you forcefully fill the void in your soul with everything that comes to mind, you will not have time for a new relationship. Loneliness gives a chance to understand life, to understand whether you are going the right way and whether it is time to change something, and does not threaten your existence. After all, the causes of this or that state are ourselves, and not those around us or those close to us.

You never know what happens in life, you never know what others say, you alone decide how to react and what to do. And if for some reason you listen to your beloved mother and miss the chance to arrange a personal life, although you dream of love day and night, then only you are to blame.

No one forces you to follow the instructions of a person dear to you, you decide what to do and how to behave, not them. And when you realize that everything depends on you and a little on the occasion, you will immediately think for yourself whether you need to fight loneliness now and if “yes”, then how best to do it in your situation.

Listen to yourself. Don't you think that deep down you are not very interested in a relationship. Maybe you are much more comfortable at home, where your parents take care of you, or, conversely, you have so many plans that you are afraid that they will be implemented. young man can interfere. Are you sure that you are ready to listen to the other person and compromise. Relationships are not only passion and pleasure, but serious work on oneself. The need to take into account the interests of the chosen one. If you are not ready for this, then your time has not yet come.

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Love is a constant need of every person. No matter what anyone says, everyone wants to love and be loved. But very often more and more beautiful women can not adjust their personal lives. Because there are many reasons that no one is able to influence and those that depend solely on ourselves. Therefore, if you really suffer from loneliness and no longer want to be alone and wait until you meet a worthy companion, deal with those that are in your power. And life will surely give a long-awaited acquaintance. The main thing is to believe in it and not despair.

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For each person, an unjustified dismissal or downsizing can become a tragedy. Older people are especially sensitive to such shocks, however, the younger generation reacts quite sensitively to injustice.

The emotions felt when receiving a notice of dismissal can be very different - from hysteria to depression, everyone experiences them due to their nature. Someone withdraws into himself and digests the event. Someone angrily rushes to former bosses to clarify the relationship, and someone calmly turns the lived page, and begins new life from scratch.

Different in their emotions and psychological state, these people are united by one thing - they all turned out to be “overboard”, and they face the problem of finding a job.

From the fact that emotions go off scale, the problem will not be resolved, so the first thing to do is to “pull yourself together”, calm down and sort everything out.

Pull yourself together. Naturally, the reader, finding himself in such a situation, may attack the author of these lines with sharp criticism - they say, it is good for him to argue when this problem concerns strangers. But if something similar happened to him, then where would his advice and recommendations be. Yes, this is a reasonable remark, and it should be taken into account, however, the author also had to experience bitter moments of disappointment, and experience outright injustice. But what allowed me to always stay afloat was the ability to concentrate not on the problem, but on the prospect that opened up:

no need to get up early and go to work;
there is a prospect of doing what you love;
there is an opportunity to do self-analysis, and study the problem from the inside.

- And for what to live? - a natural question arises, which is sometimes difficult to answer. For some people, an unfair dismissal is a disaster, both morally and financially, so people like no other should mobilize and purposefully go in search of new work. Without economic source existence is impossible to live, so you have to immediately rebuild and select a profitable financial offer. But even if a profitable job turns up that will allow you to restore solvency, still rethink the past life stage will simply be necessary.

Calm down and plan your next steps. In each specific case, the time for this stage is different. For someone, a couple of hours is enough to take a breath, someone does not even fit into a month, trying to find an explanation for what happened. But be that as it may, the stage of calming down and building a further algorithm of actions is inherent in each category of people. The main questions that arise before the dismissed are almost the same:

What to do next?
Where to look for a job?
How to join a new team?
What lessons can you learn from your previous job?

If the answer to the first question is quite simple and understandable, then each character has difficulties with the second point. A person is a specialist in a particular industry, spent time and money on training, had a goal, and was out of work. Should I continue further in this profession, or switch to a new one? There are no ready-made tips, everyone decides on their own, but if there is experience and high qualifications, then it is unlikely that another profession will bring complete satisfaction. The only exceptions are those cases when work was a prerequisite for physiological existence, and now, after certain events, it became possible to do what you love.

If the profession is rare and requires long-term training, and there are no vacancies, then the World Wide Web can become a lifesaver, or own business. As in the first case, so in the second, there are all conditions to realize their hidden opportunities and inherent potential. Previous work experience will also be useful and will help in solving organizational issues.

Don't be afraid of change. The author of these lines, a lawyer by education and a lawyer by profession, decided to leave professional activity, and engage in a more attractive, in his opinion, type of activity on the Internet. I had to go through a serious school of self-training, and create an online business, which today brings income similar to advocacy. From time to time, the author of the lines has to participate in court hearings and represent the interests of the parties to the process, but there is no oral satisfaction from won cases, since organized business on the Internet, much closer to the soul. Hence the conclusion - you should not be afraid of change, but you must resolutely move forward, overcoming obstacles, and improving yourself.

Conclusions from all of the above. Naturally, skeptics can drive them into a dead end with their pessimistic forecasts and arguments on the topic, they say, it’s good when there is a main job and you can do experiments, but you can object to them. Cases of dismissal (legal or illegal) encourage a person to take drastic actions, up to a change in profession and qualifications. In such conditions, fighting for survival, a person becomes more resolute and pragmatic, hence the purposefulness and focus. He is able to set a goal and achieve a positive result, no matter what field of activity or industry the question concerns. Hidden levers and internal springs are released in extreme situations, and a person overcomes conceivable and unimaginable obstacles. And this means that the goal will be achieved, and he will certainly achieve his goal. Well, what happened at the place of the old work is just a turned page, an unexpected impetus to the realization of hidden opportunities.

Therefore, do not despair when dismissed for redundancy or other reasons, since this is a clear opportunity to realize oneself to the fullest. The most important thing:

calm down;
get together;
decide.

And everything will work out - a new specialty will get used to it, and insults will be forgotten and forgiven.