Family first? Family comes first Family comes first.

The longest living people we've met in the Blue Zones have always put family first. Their whole life was built around marriage and children, family duty, rituals and spiritual intimacy. This statement especially applies to Sardinia, where residents are still passionately devoted to the family and family values. I once asked a vineyard owner if it would not be easier to send his infirm mother to a nursing home. He pointed his finger at me indignantly: “I can’t even think about such a thing. This is a disgrace to my familyʼʼ.

Tonino Tola, a Sardinian shepherd, loved to work, but admitted: ʼʼEverything I do is for my familyʼʼ. On the Nicoya Peninsula, all family members live nearby. So, all 99 inhabitants of one village were descendants of one 85-year-old man. Οʜᴎ still gathered for meals at the family restaurant, and his grandchildren and great-grandchildren visited their grandfather daily to help with the cleaning or just play checkers with him.

The devotion to the family of Okinawans transcends earthly life. Okinawans over seventy start their day by praising the memory of their ancestors. There are often tables near the graves so that family members can organize a Sunday meal with deceased relatives.

How does this contribute to longevity? By the time the centenarians turn 100 years old, their attachment to the family bears fruit: children respond with gratitude for love and care. Οʜᴎ constantly visit their parents, and in three of the four ʼʼblue zonesʼʼ, the younger generation gladly hosts their elders. Research shows that older people who live with children experience less illness and stress, eat healthier foods, and are less likely to have serious accidents. The MacArthur Healthy Aging Study, which followed 1,189 people aged 70 to 79 over seven years, found that people who live close to children have clearer minds and better social skills.

"The family is the highest rung in the social hierarchy," says Dr. Butler.
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- Parents give you a sense of reality, teach you a healthy lifestyle, help you find a purpose, and in case of illness or problems, family support becomes extremely importantʼʼ. We spend most of our lives investing in some way, he says. So you make an investment when you go to school and get an education in a certain area. Then you invest in children when they are young, and then they invest in you when you are old. Recoil? Older people who live with families tend to stay sane longer than those who live alone or in a nursing home.

In America, the opposite trend is observed. In many families where there are working parents and busy children, spending time together becomes a rarity, since everyone is busy with their own affairs. Joint meals and rest disappear from our lives, become a rarity.

How to counteract this trend? Gail Hartmann, a graduate psychologist, believes that a solution will be found when all generations of the family are willing to spend time together. ʼʼIn strong families, it is customary to eat at a common table at least once a day, go on vacation together and spend time together. You don't have to stop your normal life. Children can prepare homework, and parents can prepare dinner, but such a family will be distinguished by strong bonds and a sense of unityʼʼ.

It was in the early nineties. 1992 or 1993 - I don't remember exactly. Then I worked at UPI as a chemical analysis laboratory assistant. I went to study as a paramedic at the age of 26, and immediately after school I entered the technical school. Polzunova, then worked at UPI for 5 years. My salary was 90 rubles a month.

And then one summer, when I was on vacation, my girlfriend offered to earn extra money. She was at that time married to a Tajik named Said. Since the mid-eighties, he has been selling vegetables and fruits at the Kolkhozny market in Sverdlovsk (then still). A large batch of onions arrived, and Said decided to expand the trade - try to sell onions in our city. His wife (my girlfriend) remembered that I was now on vacation and could sit outside. They called me at home and offered. I had to sit near one of the shops and sell onions. Said offered 10% of the proceeds. Now this is a very high percentage. What percentage to give to sellers was customary at that time, I do not know. I agreed to trade a little.

At the appointed time, I went to the store. Said was already waiting for me there. "Workplace" was ready. Scales were placed on two wooden boxes. There were sacks of onions nearby. There was another empty box - it was my chair. Said gave me a cardboard box with the price of an onion per kilogram written on it (I don't remember how many years ago), a calculator and a couple of tips. Here are the tips I remember.

1. Do not be rude, no matter how much you would like to. You never know who you're talking to. You may need to contact this person for help.

2. Don't be greedy. Always weigh a little more than they ask, and take as much as you were asked to weigh. Then there will be no problems and complaints, and the person will definitely come back to you again. And we will not get poorer with 10 kopecks. We'll take ours anyway.

For the first half hour, I just sat and read a book. And then the first customer came. Behind her is the second, third ... The day passed unnoticed. Said came twice to see how I was doing. Left satisfied. Of all the clients, I remember only one grandmother.

The old woman at first walked not far from me back and forth. And then she came up and asked:

Honey, can I pick up the husks for myself? And then there is no money for onions, so at least throw the husks into the soup.

Crap! I got sick. I thought and decided that we "won't get poorer", and I handed three medium onions to the old woman. At first, my grandmother refused, saying it was uncomfortable. But I stood my ground. Grandma left, but half an hour later she came back and brought a bunch of old plastic bags. Remember, before the bags were not thrown away, but washed, dried and reused? The old woman brought me such laundered ten and seven kopeck bags. She said that "there is nowhere to put the bow. What if someone will be without a bag?" Indeed, there were such people, and they left without buying anything. I took the bags. Don't upset the old lady. She's from the bottom of her heart. To be honest, she moved me. Yes, bags are useful.

By 18 o'clock the whole bow was sold out. Said arrived, took the boxes, scales, empty bags and proceeds. Issued a salary. 110 rubles! I earned 90 in a month at UPI, and here 110. We agreed that tomorrow I would arrive there at the same time. At about nine in the evening, a friend called and said that her mother was against me. They "have relatives like that." And where I was sitting, my friend's aunt, my mother's sister, will now trade. But I was offered to trade in another place (even in another city). I agreed. For that kind of money, you can go to another city.

My salary next time was less - 78 rubles. And still it was a lot. And then it turned out that the friend has more relatives who agree to travel to another city. I wasn't invited to trade anymore. It's a pity, of course, good money was at that time, but I'm not offended. Understand. The interests of the family must come first.

And besides money, this experience gave me additional knowledge, which I later used for the benefit of myself and people.

All the best and smiles. Don't be boobies.

you will cook for yourself separately;
do not consider it necessary to eat separately, but ask your relatives to take into account the peculiarities of your diet;
when you see how the whole family eats a baked leg of lamb stuffed with garlic, and there is a plate of semolina in front of you, a feeling of envy completely discourages your appetite. Let relatives better endure and dine with porridge with you.

2. You smoke and everyone else in the family can't stand the smell of tobacco. You:

tolerate and refrain from smoking in the house, whatever it may cost you;
do not smoke in the apartment, running out into the street for this, even if there is a blizzard;
you demand from relatives that they treat your weaknesses with understanding - you don’t have so many of them, so they can tolerate it.

3. How much of your paycheck do you keep for personal expenses?

1/2 salary;
1/4 salary;
You give away your entire salary, leaving almost nothing for yourself.

4. How do you usually spend your holidays? Options:

engaged in the improvement of the "family nest";
in order for family members to lead a healthy lifestyle, they are ready to sacrifice a relaxing holiday and go with them to conquer Elbrus;
Stay home and try to spend more time with your family.

5. Returning home after a pleasant evening with old friends, you experience the following feelings:

although the evening spent with friends was not bad, you return home with joy. However, as always;
oppressive thoughts that again you have to return to these four walls, where the boring buzz of your second half and the capricious cries of children do not stop;
the senses? Yes, no special feelings. You just return home.

6. For the sake of a purchase that requires a lot of money, are you able to force the whole family to eat only pasta for six months? Options:

yes, if the purchase is really necessary and its acquisition will greatly facilitate the life of the family;
yes, and even if the acquisition of a new thing is far from a matter of life and death;
No. You can find a way out of any situation, and you can perfectly do without this expensive thing. Have managed without it until now.

7. Do you agree with the statement: "My home is my castle"? Options:

yes, precisely a fortress from which it is impossible to find a way out;
Yes. No storms are terrible in the circle of your family;
no. But make every effort to put this statement into practice.

8. Your spouse's birthday is coming up, and you have minor financial problems in the family, because. once again, wages were delayed at work. How will you do it? Options:

the birthday boy will surely understand if on this day we don’t give him anything but our attention and care;
make every effort to get money, even if for this you have to unload wagons at night (sew a dress to order);
run around all your friends and borrow the required amount, not being afraid that this will plunge the family into the abyss of the financial crisis, but relying on your ability to cope with debts painlessly for the family budget.

9. Who usually in your family comes up with the idea to finally make repairs in the apartment? Options:

you yourself;
one of the relatives;
you decide to do repairs only after one of the guests who came to visit, looking around the apartment, says meaningfully: "Yes-ah"

10. Surely you have done repairs in your apartment more than once and you can tell how long it takes approximately:

a week;
month;
two months or more.

11. Do you sometimes forget about some holidays that are customary to celebrate every year, such as your wedding anniversary? Options:

never. Even if memory fails, all memorable dates are recorded in the diary;
occasionally, but it happens;
often.

12. Do you consult with your spouse when deciding to change jobs? Options:

do not think that relatives necessarily need to be privy to the details of official duties. It is necessary to be able to separate work and family;
be sure to consult and do so always when you have to make important decisions;
consult, because it is a problem for you to make a decision on your own.

13. All week you dream of spending the weekend like this:

finally break out of the house, go to a friend and at least sit with him in silence for a while and relax;
take a walk with the family around the city;
go to the cottage with the family.

14. Suppose your hobby is collecting rare varieties of cacti. Can you set aside an entire room for them, turning it into a greenhouse, if you live in a two-room apartment? Options:

why not? You can always make room.
why such extremes? Some cacti are not worth such sacrifices at all;
you will turn your bedroom into a greenhouse of cacti so as not to move to another room.

15. The festive menu in your family consists of:

all family members;
Only you;
you do not make a festive menu and cook what you know how.

16. Where do you usually celebrate the New Year? Options:

family home;
with family, but away;
away, but no family.

17. Coming home from work, you saw a tray of ice cream, could not resist and bought a few servings for each family member. And only when they came to the door, they remembered that the child had a sore throat and ice cream was contraindicated for him. How will you do it? Options:

good not to be wasted? You will have to eat his portion, and the child will surely understand;
well, you will have to eat it yourself, but it is better to do it so that the child does not know about it;
after going into the kitchen, put the ice cream in the freezer until the best time when the child is well.

Of course, everyone knows what “priority” is ... This is a concept that determines importance, primacy. So, try to prioritize the following 5 categories: your work, yourself, your children, your partner (beloved man or woman) and your loved ones (relatives, friends).

For convenience, it is advisable to present these categories in the form of a table and indicate a number from 1 to 5 opposite each criterion in order of priority:

I myself (myself) __________ place
Work ________________ place
Children (child) _______ place
Husband (Wife) ____________ place
Parents, friends ______ place

If today you do not have children, this does not mean that you do not give them some place in your life. The same is true if you are single, because hypothetically you still imagine what place a loved one will take in your life when he appears. You must answer sincerely and honestly.

Now let's see what it actually looks like.

At the first place: Regardless of gender, you yourself should always be (both men and women). If a person is in order, then the other person next to him will be fine. Otherwise, it is the psychology of the victim to put someone above himself. As a rule, it manifests itself as “dependence” in relationships and this condition is more typical for women.

In second place: A woman should have a beloved man or husband. As soon as someone else gets between a woman and a man, get ready for the fact that problems may immediately appear. If you, dear ladies, really want intimacy and warm relations, then there should not be anyone between you and a man, not even children! If your husband puts between you, for example, his mother, then it is necessary to correctly and patiently, with love, explain to him that this is not constructive for your relationship.

A man should have a job in second place. Yes, just like that and nothing else. A woman or children should not be more important for a man than work. And if a woman lacks his attention, then you need to take care of yourself and make your life more interesting, respectively, she will immediately become interesting to her man. In the nature of a man, the desire to achieve and obtain results. And in fact, he tries for his family, so that the family does not need anything and is proud of him. Being proud of a man is very important!

On the third place: Of course, a man has a beloved woman. Not his mother, not his children from his first marriage. If this place is occupied by someone else, then it is necessary to gently and patiently explain that there can be only one adult next to the man. Otherwise, harmonious relations will not work.

The woman has children in third place. If a woman has the right priorities and children are not a priority value compared to a man, then children in such a harmonious atmosphere will be easy and comfortable.

In fourth place: And here the man's children occupy an honorable fourth place. And children from a previous marriage, too. Very often, men do not divide children at all into their own and not their own. They are all his.

The woman is in fourth place relatives. This is, first of all, the parents and parents of the husband, too. An important duty of a woman is to build good and respectful relations with her husband's parents, as well as, if possible, smooth out all conflicts.

In fifth place: The man has friends and family. If friends become paramount, look for problems and problems in your relationship. Because the duty of a woman in relation to her man is to become his closest friend.

A woman has a job in fifth place. Ideally, a woman should go to work to rest, since her biggest workload and main job is in the family. And if there is a man next to her who takes care of her, then the work most likely takes on the form of a hobby. If work is necessary to replenish the family budget, then the woman does not work well in the family and does not inspire her man enough to achieve so that he can take good care of her.

Vlad is from Rostov-on-Don. Fate brought him to the Ruza district, when, after graduating from the Moscow military music school, he entered the regional branch of the University of the Ministry of Internal Affairs of the Russian Federation in Teryaev. Here he met his future wife Alla. They got married in their fifth year. Now three charming babies are growing up in their family - six-year-old Albina, three-year-old Veronika and one-year-old Agatha. Young people are now in no hurry to have children: someone wants to make a career, someone does not dare to take this step because of the lack of an apartment, and someone simply does not want to burden themselves with problems. Friends of Vlad and Alla often ask them if it was scary to give birth to so many children. They are sure that children are a great joy that nothing can overshadow: neither cramped living conditions, nor illnesses, nor the troubles that babies inevitably bring.
Gridins know how to build their lives in such a way that it does not turn into an everyday routine and there is time for hobbies. Alla is actively involved in sports: she plays volleyball and basketball, runs in the stadium in summer, skis in winter, participates in various competitions, from which she brings medals. I swam in the pool until the very birth. Vlad played in the university brass band, performed with a vocal ensemble on various stages, and sang in the church choir. His passion for photography eventually grew into a business.

And it all started trite: friends gave him a camera and asked him to shoot their wedding. Then there were other proposals. Photo and video shooting captivated Vlad: he began to read specialized articles, search for the necessary information on YouTube, and analyze the work of other photographers. And, of course, with each new shooting, I gained experience.
The idea to open a photo studio was spontaneous. When Alla became pregnant with her second child, Vlad wanted to capture her, because women during the waiting period are so beautiful, they seem to glow from the inside. It turned out that the nearest photo studio is in Moscow, which is far and inconvenient. Traveling to the capital with a newborn is even more difficult. And the pictures at home, as shown by the first experience with the eldest daughter Albina, left much to be desired. It was then that Alla offered to equip her studio. There were doubts about the success of this project, because Ruza is a small town, and such services could be unclaimed.
- And yet we decided, - says Vlad. - We didn’t build business plans, we found a suitable room, which Ira Shumkina, a friend of my wife and part-time designer, helped us arrange. We spent all our savings on this.
Initially, there were few orders. Their number increased in bad weather. We even joked that the rainy summer near Moscow contributes to our business.

With the opening of the studio, the status has increased: many photographers provide services, but there are no rooms where you can order pictures in beautiful interiors. The Gridins have regular clients who ask to capture different periods of their lives: romantic relationships, weddings, the birth of children, family celebrations, and other moments. With many of them they became friends and constantly communicate.
“Creating a photo chronicle of your family is very important,” Vlad believes. - Some couples even ditch the lavish wedding in favor of memorable wedding photos. The best photo shoot is in the private home of the customers themselves. Then the pictures are very lively, emotional, and most importantly - real. I love it when several generations of the same family participate in this. And I also like to photograph children, I always find a common language with them, which allows me to reveal the individuality of each kid.

His wife helps him in the family business. After graduating from Teryaev University, Alla worked for three years in the Department of Internal Affairs of the Mozhaisk District. Then she went on maternity leave and, without leaving the first, gave birth to two more daughters. During this time, she was awarded two regular ranks - captain and police major.
It is not known if she will return to the law enforcement service, because she also likes to take pictures very much.
- Work in general should be a pleasure, - says Vlad. - After all, I left Teryaevsky University for a reason, where after graduation I served as a platoon commander. I realized that “building” people, requiring them to follow some instructions, is absolutely not my destiny. I am pleased to see the smiles of people, to bring them joy.

According to Vlad, the main thing in life for him is a large, friendly and loving family. He also wants to build a spacious house, where there would be enough space for everyone.
But for now, the Gridins have bought an apartment. Immediately after the wedding, they became participants in the municipal program "Young Family", last year they received a certificate, added money and purchased their own housing. They are currently refurbishing and refurbishing.
They also dream of mastering photography of newborns, they plan to shoot videos for organizations. They want to do some social work. Somehow they organized a master class on creating cartoons for the pupils of the Astarta children's rehabilitation center. We recently started hosting board game nights for everyone. They have been donating blood for several years now. But they want something big. I think that Vlad and Alla will succeed: they know how to set goals and achieve them.

Galina BELOZEROVA

Photo by Anastasia MALINA